I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
