I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
