He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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