it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
