oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
where are you?
Hypothermia
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
