How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
