I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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