Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
