I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
