i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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