I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
