we're blogging at a bar
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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