Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
