For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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