The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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