I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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