I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
