You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
