D3 body, D1 cock
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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