I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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