I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
