he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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