Me. At least after what I've been through.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
