there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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