maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
