You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
