i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
