another moral hangover. fuck.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
