I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
