I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
