Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
