She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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