i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
