If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
