Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
