If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
