how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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