I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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