Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
