i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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