Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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