i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
