Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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