just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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