Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
