like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
