People in love make me want to vomit
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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