So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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