words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
