when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
